I know as a parent I'm always second guessing myself and wondering what I can do to help my kids grow into decent, honorable, righteous, happy people. This has been on my mind a lot lately, as I am constantly so disappointed in what I see going on with people around me. I heard something recently, sort of a rule of thumb that struck me as sound advice to help achieve these goals with my children. So here it is:
Do what your grandparents would have done.
This refers to the way they raised their own kids, not the way they act toward their grand kids. When you think about it, in general parents from a couple generations ago produced better quality people. Yes, I say "quality," because I believe a person's value should be based more on what they do to contribute to people and society around them, and less on how important he/she is just for existing. I think if more people evaluated themselves this way they might be more motivated to do GOOD things (rather than whatever they'd choose to make themselves feel good) and in the process they'd actually earn some real "self esteem." Kids who think little of themselves end up with real inner tension and often haven't learned any productive, positive way to deal with it, and I think that's why so many go and shoot up their schools, become addicted to drugs, and/or become promiscuous. So considering that so many of today's generation have fallen to these things, I think it's safe to say that focusing on telling our kids how very special they are and to love themselves more than anyone else (the more modern approach) is not super effective in producing happy, hard-working, balanced children. So when we (as parents) wonder what is the best way to approach situations with our kiddos, we might be best advised to be firm, enforce consequences, and stay focused on teaching our kids the miracle of serving others and acting with morality. We must consider the effects of our (ever important) personal choices on OTHER PEOPLE, and not just ourselves, then prioritize accordingly. Our lives cannot be truly rewarding if we live any other way.
I have plenty of work to do in this department. Being firm and teaching my kids seems to only get harder as they get more creative in undermining what I try to do. It's just their nature to do that. But it's my responsibility to teach them to go against their nature and do what's right. My mom is always telling me something that is key and so far rings true: If what I'm doing is causing me pain, it's probably an indication that I'm doing the right thing for my kid. How easy it would be to indulge their every whim and give them ice cream for every meal and allow them to join in the fun even when they've done something wrong. They'd smile all the time, which would make me feel great. Till they get what's coming to them for being self centered, and they don't know how to be happy in life because I never taught them. I think I'd be depriving them of millions of smiles later on in life, in order to allow them a few extra smiles now. What a selfish thing that would be for me to do. And I didn't become a mom to serve myself. I did it to serve my children.
P.S. It is such an honor to be a mom, it really is. I pray that I do a good job of it. I'm so blessed to have the Lord to turn to when I need Him. I'm so grateful for that.
2 comments:
Well your kids seem really happy- and I don't say that about all kids, because alot are very UNhappy, it doesn't take much to notice.. so you guys must be doing something right.
I think my grandparents' generation did raise quality people. But if they were of such quality then why didn't they kids raise the same quality? Hmm. It's like Cesar says; kids are like dogs. They need exercise, discipline and affection. If you give affection at the wrong time, you are positively enforcing a bad behavior. Your mom is right, it's hard to be a good Mom, not saying that I'm remotely polished in that department. The most important thing about happiness for a kid to learn is that happiness is a choice and not a reaction. If they see you make that choice, they will be more inclined to do so. Sorry to write a book, but I have strong opinions on the matter.
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