Politically Correct Story of the Three Little Pigs

The Three Proportionally Unique Sows

Once upon a time in a land far away near a place called San Francisco, there lived three proportionally unique suidae sisters, two of whom were sowism activists and spent much of their time squealing out against the evil ways of the boar.

One day the sisters decided they needed shelter. The first proportionally unique sow immediately demanded government subsidized housing and moved into a house of straw. But it was not as nice as she felt she was entitled to, so she hired a smart but sleazy lawyer and sued the federal government for improper treatment of a citizen. The feds buckled and moved her strait away into one of the newest brick houses in the area, where she lead an alternative lifestyle with her sowfriend. Shacking up together the sows enjoyed substantial tax breaks.

The second proportionally challenged sow was an illegal immigrant, so she preyed on the weakness and generosity of her community and conned her neighbors into building her a custom dream home with reinforced walls. She moved in right away and brought along her 19 siblings and their families.

The third proportionally unique sow scrimped and saved and invested, and purchased a small, old, but clean house of brick. Unfortunately, the government had to raise the taxes of the third, responsible sow in order to provide for her sisters, so she couldn't afford to stay. She was forced to sell her home and ended up in a straw and stick shack on the bad side of town, where she was soon shot and killed by the big bad wolf. And the two other sows lived hapily ever after. The end.